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NeS2 Post 1691
In NeS2 Post 1691; In the l33t, Venedite's party, which began in NeS2 Post 1686, is still going and Britt the Barman is serving drinks to customers. An uninvited guest, Antestarr, arrives. He is appalled at the arrogance of Writers for creating Avatar Characters and he promptly drinks the bloodink from Britt and kills him. In London the NeS Heroes are attacked by Ninja Assassins on the orders of King John to assassinate all pretenders to the throne. Maeve is 280th in line and the assassins have killed all other 279 in line. After a brief legal distraction from Couchman, who is dressed as a biker-sniper, he kills them and saves the day. Meanwhile the chicken-legs that had once been attached to the Armenian Palace are being sent to Armenia. Post In the boudoir tent in the redecorated plane of l33t, Venedite's party is still going strong. Britt the Barman is currently wowing the crowd - well, that portion of the crowd that isn't too smashed or too amorous, or both, to notice - with various Coyote-UglyCoyote Ugly (film) article, Wikipedia.''-style theatrics involving bottles and drink mixing.'' Bhac: That's an awesome barkeep you scored for this, Venedite. Where'd he come from? Venedite: Not sure. Said he caught a subway here when he heard of my party. Bhac: A subway... to the realm of l33t? Venedite: Yeah, called the Endless Waystation or something. Bhac: Venedite: Probably one of London's branches. Like a publisher's imprint. Bhac: A shadow falls across Britt the Barman and a chill shivers up his spine, causing him to lose the slightest bit of control. One of his spinning bottles flies out of his grasp - and a pale hand darts out from beneath a cloak to catch it. The hand belongs to someone standing right behind Britt the Barman, who moments ago wasn't there. Antestarr: Hello, "Britt". Britt the Barman: Eep! Antestarr: You writers are truly egotistical. It's not enough that you ruin our lives, is it? You have to enter the story itself and steal what little parts of our world are actually fun. Britt the Barman: I don't know what you're talking about. Anyway, there's fun enough here for all! Antestarr: Indeed. Antestarr clasps Britt the Barman in his iron grip, and sinks his teeth into the barkeep's neck as Britt the Barman stiffens. Now the the Coyote-Ugly-style theatrics are over, the few patrons who were watching turn away, bored. Within minutes, Britt the Barman sinks limply to the floor, a dessicated husk drained dry of blood. Antestarr stands riveted to the spot, eyes bulging out, gasping, at the flood of clarity and power rushing through him. The NeSferatu Character™ has just had his first taste of bloodink. ----- In the Writer's Realm... Al Ciao the Writer: Britt? You okay, man? Britt the Writer: I... just have a headache. I feel... thin, sort of... stretched. Like butter, scraped over too much bread. Al Ciao the Writer: Ah! You're just zoned out after a Lord of the RingsLord of the Rings (film series) article, Wikipedia. marathon! I feel ya, buddy. ----- Maeve: I'm REALLY not sure that now is the best time to split the party again. Al Ciao: Okay! It's decided then! We all go to Armenia! Maeve: NOT what I meant. Al Ciao: Aw... Rachel: I dunno, those motorcycle-riding snipers sound pretty badass. Iriana: Hey, where did my boyfr-- She hurriedly corrects herself at a sharp glance from her father. Iriana: --Couchman go? Suddenly, the front doors of the courthouse open, and into the grand marble halls speed a daring motorcyclist! More precisely, he flies through the air, and lands on the back wheel of the bike, doing a wheelie. His identity is masked by a black, visored helmet, and he wears a Cool™ leather jacket, with a sniper rifle strapped to his back. His bike is bold red with bright orange flames painted on it. Music from Grease 2Grease 2 article, Wikipedia.'' starts playing. A choir spontaneously forms of random lawyers.'' Random Lawyer Choir: Whoooh ooooh who's that guy? Whoooh ooooh who's that guy? Geb: He came out of the darkness in the middle of the night, blazing like a mother with a fist of dynamite. Geb, Amal, Al, Otter, Tracer, other male heroes: He ain't foolin' no one on that pile of chrome and steel / Burnin' up the pavement like he was some kind of wheel / He's lookin' for a rumble and some heads are gonna bust / He's gonna take a tumble with one solitary thrust! [[Losien|'Losien']], Maeve, Rachel, Iriana, Lady Lightside, Polly, other female heroes: The only thing you guys are gonna do is eat his dust! Random Lawyer Choir: Who's that guy? Where did he come from? Who's that guy? Geb, Amal, Al, Otter, Tracer, other male heroes: Please tell me, someone! Losien, Maeve, Rachel, Iriana, Lady Lightside, Polly, other female heroes: I never knew anyone could be so cool! Random Lawyer Choir: Whoa oh oh, who's that guy? He's just amazin'! From headlight to tailpipe, his burners are blazin'! Losien, Maeve, Rachel, Iriana, Lady Lightside, Polly, other female heroes: Looks to me like he could really flllllly! The mysteriously sniper biker stops doing wheelies and other various tricks and pulls off his helmet, revealing--'' '''Couchman:' Oh, bloody stop already. I hated that movie, and it's such a plebian song. Iriana: Couchman?! Couchman: Yes! Sniping and biking are among my many talents! Al looks a bit sour at this, but can't deny his utility, nor does he really want to deny his daughter her heart, or whatever teenage infatuation passes for her heart. Losien: Well, that's ONE sniper biker. A bunch of others would be really cool. Maeve: But-- Suddenly the windows shatter as elite ninja assassins leap in! They do awesome flips and stuff, showing off their stuff as they throw ninja stars. Sadly--'' '''Couchman:' You mean fortunately. ''--no musical number accompanies this show, and the assassins surround our heroes, specifically Maeve.'' Ninja Assassin #1: Prepare to die, heir to the throne! Everyone gasps, and huddles around Losien to protect her. Polly: You are NOT going to touch a hair on my daughter's head! Ninja Assassin #2: Huh? Documentation shows that Maeve's mother is nowhere near London at the moment. Maeve: Wait, me? I'm not the heir to Jupiter's throne. The ninja assassins look confused. Ninja Assassin #3: Who'd want to rule a purple star? We're talking about the British throne! Ninja Assassin #4: Heretic! It's the 'Dominion of Bleeding Eyes' throne now! Die, on king's orders! Ninja Assassin #3: No wait-- He is cut off as he is sliced and diced. Rachel: Maeve, you're the heir to the throne of Engl-- She casts a quick glance at the corpse of Ninja Assassin #3. Rachel: --of the Dominion of Bleeding Eyes, and you never told us? Maeve: But I'm NOT-- Ninja Assassin #1: You are 280th in line to the throne, and by order of King John, you must die! Heroes: Al: If she's 280th, why is she a threat? Ninja Assassin #2: Well, on King John's orders, we've been working our way down the list. VERY lucrative contract. We just came from killing #279. Ninja Assassin #4: Shame about him though. He was a chef at Buster's pub, and made GREAT sammiches. Couchman: Wait. Are you telling me that your orders are to kill the person who is 280th in line for the throne? Ninja Assassin #1: Righto. Couchman: And that you've already killed up through the 279th? Ninja Assassin #2: Roger that. Couchman: Then your target cannot be Maeve, for she is now FIRST in line for the throne, the previous contenders having been eliminated. Ninja Assassins: Confused, the Ninja Assassins huddle together, football-style - AMERICAN football-style, you wacky Brits - debating how to handle this new turn of events. In hushed whispers they argue, and finally address our heroes once more. Ninja Assassin #3: Okay, you may have us on a technicality, but King John's money is still good, so we're going to-- BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! The three ninja assassins fall to the floor, heads popped. Couchman hefts his sniper rifle, strapping it once more upon his back. Other Heroes: Amal: That was aMAZing! Iriana: My hero! Al: *grumble* Rachel: Yeah, we definitely need more sniper bikers. That's just too cool. Maeve: I've changed my mind. Let's go to Armenia. Geb: Don't tell me Couchman's sniper biker act has turned you straight, Maeve? Maeve: No! And besides, there are bound to be some hot sniper biker chicks in Armenia. I just meant that since I'm a target here-- Polly: Bah! We have one sniper biker, and the rest of us! We'll get by. However, some more would definitely come in handy. I know just the thing... An hour later, the giant chicken legs that Polly had swiped from the Baba Yaga and equipped to the courthouse are now en route to Armenia, via FedExFedEx article, Wikipedia., with express orders from Iriana to attach to the Armenian palace (with sniper bikers within), so that it can come to her, and she can be crowned and thereby mobilize the army. The courthouse, having been deprived of its mobility, has been rather unceremoniously dumped in the middle of a rather busy intersection. Notes Britt's Commentary "Britt the Barman was supposed to be a recurring minor background character used as a cheap gag. When Al Ciao the Writer unexpectedly killed him off (after just a single post) I said it would be funny if Britt turned out to be incredibly important to the history of the NeS but only featured in a single post. This joke spiralled out into Britt: The Legend and Britt's later resurrection to the current NeS." ~ Britt the Writer Al Ciao's Commentary TBA References External References '''' Category:Post Category:NeS2 Post